Here’s the first sexy, fun to read guide to anal sex for men, offering comprehensive information on all aspects of anal play:
For all men—heterosexual, gay, bisexual—who want to learn how to enjoy anal sex—with a partner or by yourself Clear, illustrated discussion of anatomy Helpful tips on safety, preparation, and hygiene Building trust and communicating your desires Pleasurable anal penetration: how to give it, how to get it Fisting, S/M, and extreme play Where to find toys, accessories and safe sex supplies Complete bibliography, index, and guide to helpful resources—videos, books, magazines, and Web sites BILL BRENT is the co-editor of the Best Bisexual Erotica series and publisher of Black Sheets magazine. He lives in San Francisco.
Do you know the historical anecdote about the English king who was allegedly killed by anal rape with a hot poker because he preferred his favorite male courtier to his wife (a French queen married to him for the usual diplomatic reasons)? For years, this was the image that came to my mind whenever the subject of men receiving anal sex was mentioned. Alas.
On the subject of men giving or performing anal sex, I had read some ominous references to the perverse ways of the Marquis de Sade with various prostitutes and the English writer Lord Byron with his bride. So much for the study of history as a source of sexual information.
Bill Brent, a man of multiple talents, has compiled a thorough guide to anal sex for men of all sexual orientations and their partners. In the first chapter, he gets negative assumptions out of the way by debunking the following myths:
#1 – Anal Sex is Unnatural and Immoral. This myth is shown to be subjective and culturally specific.
#2 – Nothing Was Meant to Go In There. The author explains that: “the anus and rectum are capable of a tremendous degree of expansion and relaxation.” He also explains that enjoying anal sex has less to do with “controlling” the process than with letting go.
#3 – The Anus Was Never Intended to be Eroticized. The author explains that the anal region is rich in nerve endings, and that many men experience pleasure in the penis during receptive anal sex. (Of course, a penis is more directly affected when it is inserted into an anus.) He also explains that the prostate gland can only be stimulated directly through anal penetration.
#4 – The Bible Says It’s Wrong. Brent explains that this myth is based on a misinterpretation of the destruction of the “sinful” towns of Sodom and Gomorrah, as described in the Bible. The towns are destroyed because their inhabitants have behaved inhospitably to strangers, not because they have indulged in forbidden sex acts.
#5 – Anal Sex Is Dirty and Messy. The author explains that simple measures can eliminate mess. Later in the book, he demystifies various methods of cleaning the bowels, and discusses the influence of diet on anal cleanliness and health.
#6 – Anal Sex Is Painful for the Recipient, Who Only Receives to Please His (or Her) Partner. Pain is actually a warning sign to stop or change tactics. As the author explains several times, penetration of a relaxed anus is painless, and lubrication helps.
#7 – Anal Sex Is Harmful and Physically Dangerous. The author explains that stretching the sphincter and rectal tissue safely over time tends to strengthen rather than loosen the muscles association with anal sex, much like exercising the muscles in other parts of the body.
#8 – Anal Sex Is the Easiest Way to Get AIDS. The author explains that knowledge, protection and communication make anal sex a low-risk activity.
#9 – Only Gay Men Do It. Brent discusses the twin assumptions that all gay men engage in anal sex and that every man who likes anal sex must be gay. According to Susie Bright, popular sex educator, sales of anal plugs and dildo harnesses in sex toy stores in the past fifteen years indicate that an interest in anal sex has surged forward among straight couples and lesbians. However, Brent reminds the reader that the gay male sex culture that emerged in the 1970s helped to popularize the practice of anal sex.
#10 – Straight Guys Who Do Anal Are Really Gay. This myth is an extension of the previous one, and is also debunked. A heterosexual man who likes his girlfriend to “strap on a big greasy dildo” and ride him is not necessarily attracted to men, although some are attracted to both men and women.
#11 – Recipient Males Are Weak and Secretly Want to be Women. As Brent points out, “Receptivity is actually an extremely active and powerful experience: both emotionally and physiologically, it can be very demanding and profound. It’s a statement that you accept someone else’s presence within your body.” This is not an expression of weakness or a desire to be someone else.
#12 – Only Perverts and Sluts Do It. Regarding this myth, Brent discusses the prejudice that causes some people to label all sexual tastes that they don’t understand as “perverse.” He also explains that a “slut” (a promiscuous person) is almost always a woman or a gay man, because heterosexual white men are not judged as harshly for the same behavior. Bigotry is an irrational motive for rejecting certain sexual activities.
The book goes on to explain male anatomy, and there is even a diagram of female plumbing for men who have female partners. Kegel exercises are recommended for strengthening the genital and anal region. Practice and patience in getting the anus to accept stimulation or penetration are also recommended.
Throughout the book, the reader is reminded that sex in all forms takes place between human beings. In the chapter on fisting, Brent advises: “Getting a hand all the way into your butt doesn’t confer on you any mystical wisdom, worldly knowledge, or sacred intimacy unavailable from other parts of the experience. In fact, you’re more likely to achieve some of these things by focusing on the overall person, not just on the activity.”
This book is part of a series of “ultimate guides” from Cleis Press on specialized sexual subjects including anal sex for women, fellatio, lesbian sex during pregnancy, and strap-on sex. Cleis, a publisher of fiction and non-fiction for women, has generously included this book to round out the series.
Like the other sex guides in the series, this book is illustrated with cheerful drawings of diverse couples in various positions. The “Resources” section contains a wealth of useful information about books, magazines, videos, websites and organizations that deal with every aspect of anal sex from prostate health to sex toys to bizarre stories about unusual objects inserted into the anus. (If you want to read about famous bottoms in history, the information is out there.) My copy of the book is already in great demand from male friends who want to borrow it. Since one copy can only travel so far, my advice to all those who would like to read it is to buy your own. The book is not expensive or hard to find, and it delves into the subject both gently and deeply.
