Review

Tenga now offers three different kinds of lubes: Mild, Real, and Wild. I had wanted to review all three as to compare their differences but before I could blink, two other horny and lube-less office co-workers grabbed the Mild and Wild, leaving me with the Real. OK, let's see if their lube lives up to their toys - and if so, I'll be buying it by the gallon!

Tenga Hole Lotion Real is marketed with the tag line "Imitates the touch and feel of natural lubricants." (I'm confused: Does that mean the moist warm juices of a hot Latin ass, or a guy's tasty and gooey pre-cum, or the handy but fast-drying properties of my spit?) Well, forget it - didn't feel like any of them. And the smell was a bit medicinal. Thicker than most water-based lubes, Real glumped onto my hard dick - which is not a bad thing - rather than running all over the place like most thin lubes. The Real formula basically stayed where I put it and then spread evenly and thickly all over my cock. In the mood for some pre-condom porn, I watched the 1980 classic Click Click (sure the guys are now old enough to be my father and it was made before I was born, but I love these long-haired teens sucking and fucking their way through Mardi Gras) and began stroking away on my now rock-hard cock. Being a connoisseur of lubes, I found it warmed up nicely and did the job; my hand was pumping away and the lube made me feel I was being serviced by one particularly enthusiastic cocksucker. But unlike the real thing, it quickly dried up and I nervously re-applied. With the second gloop, I was ready to shoot and furiously shoot I did. I had to use a lot of this Real, but I found it to be really an above-average lube.

 -- Randy Siempre