Review

Let me attempt to describe the Rascal Savage Balls, another interesting pleasure toy delight from Chi Chi LaRue in California. Here we have three hand-blown glass balls connected with a black silicone strap, much of this strap covered with silicone spikes. Yes, the spikes look scary, but they only look scary.

First of all, I should explain some confusion here at the onset: Savage Balls? As I never got into the much-desired profession of "experimental proctologist" and never even approached my wildest dreams of being a Broadway musical star such as Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers or even Carmen Miranda, I still have this feeling that Savage Balls was originally one of those Broadway blockbusters of a musical - maybe a Busby Berkeley kind of event with hundreds of pretty young ladies dancing on top of all of those large savage balls. But I digress.

Here we have a beautifully designed set of hand-blown glass balls. (Why hand-blown? Something for those really fancy fags perhaps? You got me.) The balls are connected to each other (yes, each one is a differing size: amateur, anal whore and circus entertainer) by these spike-covered silicone straps. So what’s my problem as a doctor of anal delights and stress busting disciplines? Actually I don’t have a problem, but I did get a little nervous; I didn’t want to lose any of these fancy-ass glass balls in anyone’s fuck hole.

I had one of my patients arrive with the promise of pleasure from the yet to be tried-out Savage Balls. In order to convince him of my sincerity and his anal needs, I lowered my voice by about two octaves and said, YOU NEED IT, BOY! And that’s all it took! With lots of push comes to shove, each lubed ball vanished into his love tunnel, accompanied by his whimpering "Please Sir, not all of the balls!" I could tell he loved it as he squirmed while I shoved the biggest (1.75") of the three balls in. Knowing that there are boundaries, even for the most talented bottoms, I slowly pulled them out, one by one. POP! Ball 3 out! Ball 2 out! And finally Ball 1 came out. His hole was begging for more so I slowly shoved them back in past his twitching sphincter. After some maneuvering with the finger loop, it was the second exit that sent him over the edge and he splattered all over his chest. (I think it was the spikes that did him in.) I made him slurp his own jizz off my fingers as I told him what a good boy he had been then sent him packing.

Luckily these balls come out of the straps so they were easy to clean. Just make sure you only use water-based lube on this silicone so you have these balls around for a long time.

 -- Dr. Gregory Darvis