Review

The way I see it, we’ve got three types of porn: the sleazy sex-driven fuck-fests; the steamy plot-heavy sexcapades, and the solo S&M flicks - as in "stand and model" - which are usually flaccid collections of solo jerky boys tossing off for the camera.

Truth be told, I prefer my porn chock-full of swingin-cock’d studs feverishly sucking and fucking each other in sweaty animal frenzies. I appreciate a well-conceived plot every now and then, too, but it matters more to me that the guys fucking onscreen are actually into fucking each other. What we’ve got here is a porno of the third kind: the sort where the admittedly gorgeous muscle boys essentially talk, pose and masturbate (though, granted, there’s some vague cocksucking towards the end).

The boys meet up at beefy muscleboy Brett’s new house (and it’s a fabulous abode, though he really ought to hire a homo to decorate for him). There, the gang proceeds to take a tour and chat about, um, cars. (Alarm bells instantly went off in my head: Are these guys straight? "Gay-for-pay?" Closet queens?) Then the guys greet "Dave," the grown up interviewer who remains offscreen for most of the show but whose voice constantly prompts and directs the four hotties from off-camera.

Anyone can see by now that this isn’t a plot driven fantasy, nor even a sticky, cream-soaked fuck-a-thon. No, Prime Cut Video Magazine Vol. 6: Reunion of the Stars, true to its name, is simply a video photo album documenting the reunion of four of Jet Set’s yummiest hunks. The boys are indeed tasty, but this flick is a rather tedious interview piece, during which the cuties talk about their favorite subjects (themselves), pose and flex for the camera in snug white thongs while their bulges poke through and, eventually, strip and show us their semi-hard dicks. (Semi-hard? Alarm balls blare again. I’d have fired off a pocket rocket long before these guys ever reach for a grope, let alone get hard.)

The pose-and-flex portion of the interview might be of some artistic interest to anyone studying anatomy, but by this point I was aching for someone to accidentally fall on a stiff cock or, perhaps, trip and conveniently get one lodged down their throat. No such luck. What ensues is a briefly tantalizing sequence where the guys dance, finally get buck naked and frolic ever so slightly in a safe, fratboy sort of way: self-masturbation, some ass-slapping, tentative grabs at each others’ semi-erections. From the looks of things, I’d hardly guess any of these guys had ever touched another man’s genitalia before: typically, these guys are better at stroking their own egos than their own (and each others’) dicks.

As the techno-porn music kicks in, hunky Tyler proves to be the most adventurous, suggesting to cocky Dante that they engage in a dick-sucking competition. Tyler drops to his knees first and immediately loses the competition with the sorriest excuse for head seen recently in a porn... that is, until just a few moments later, when Dante kneels and feebly wraps his mouth around Tyler’s dick for a few uncertain moments. Brett gets into the clumsy oral session too, but unless I blinked, Derec doesn’t sample any cock, he merely gets his slobbered on. Truly, I’ve seen better head on mugs of stale beer. The whole gang reeks suspiciously of “gay for pay” though, admittedly, I’d be first to volunteer to personally instruct any of these inept studs on the finer points of cock-chugging.

I can be contacted care of this publication.

All is not totally lost though. The boys gather around the circular glass coffee table and continue pulling their own puds. They proceed to splatter the surface with their sticky boy goo (stylishly filmed from beneath the glass), and each creamy cum shot gets a multi-angle replay (the only evidence of multiple cameras in this otherwise rather shoddily-shot production), culminating with a slo-mo replay of ejaculation-king Derec’s mighty volcanic squirt.

What follows is rather anti-climactic: More idle chat during a group shower and a photo shoot. Again, this stuff will have some voyeuristic appeal, but your noodle will likely remain as limp as the boys’ for the remainder of the show.

If you’re into solo/interview porn or you’re a drooling fan of any of these four luscious Jet Set boys, Prime Cut Video Magazine Vol. 6: Reunion of the Stars might just float your weenie. Those craving more, er, juice in their porn, be forewarned: this is merely a few sucks above your average solo flick.

 -- Beef Stroganoff