Review

As a naïve kid, I got suckered into believing an ad in the back of Mad Magazine and bought the magic X-Ray glasses that promised the ability to see through a person's clothing. Obviously it didn't work and I was out my money and the promise of seeing my object of young lust, Bucky naked! Fast-forward some years and now in my hands is the Cyberskin Solo Slider 5X – a pulsating and vibrating stroker, which if it worked as promised, I could say goodbye to human sexual contact and hello to space age sex.

The package contains a stretchy, generously holed gelatinous stroker and a cute control device (offering slow, medium and fast pulsation as well as two kinds of vibration.) I put in a 9V battery and became excited by the prospect of putting my hands behind my head and let this amazing toy pump the juice out of me. I stuck lubed cock into the soft, pleasant-feeling sleeve and turned the sucker on. Immediately disappointment overcame me just like the time I wore my X-Ray specs and only saw a fully clothed Bucky. What the fuck - the vibrating/pulsating action happens at the tip of the penis – there is no pulsating of the shaft, no gripping and milking of the cock, just some buzzing around the head of the dick. I mean I stroked and played with the different speeds but the toy just seems ridiculous and actually a deterrent to cumming. Frustrated, I pulled the thing off my rapidly shrinking penis and took matters in my own pulsating/vibrating hands.

So what to make of this Slider? Maybe I did it wrong. Maybe I expected too much. Maybe my expectations were too high. Maybe I was ripped off again!

 -- Randy Siempre